Where might Ira have gone to?

What was really the reason why she had to run away from everything , all of it was going exactly per  "THE PLAN" ,  and " THE PLAN" was after all the only thing that she had relied on to keep her life going just as she wanted it to. Mr. Holloway had no clue whatsoever , none ... nothing came to his mind at all ...... he just stood there , blank faced and blank of mind ...... staring at the room of his littler girl who was all grown up now .... the doors and windows wide open , looking over their big green backyard where she had grown up playing all year through.

The cupboards were open too , not much was out of place in that room even now ..... her clothes were neatly stacked almost grouped by color or shade ..... shirts,weaters and tops on one side , the dresses ,coats and trousers on the other. All her things from when she was 17, and had moved out were still in place  ...... ,He looked into the cupboard and thought " Ohh she kept that sweater !! And she brought it back with her! I know she didn't like it one bit but how sweet my Ira is ....."  , soon as Mr. Holloway felt this thought going through his head , he felt his heart fill up with love. But he thought of his wife next , as he looked at the big garment bag hanging on the Cupboard door...... there was a hint of worry on his face now .

" Nora is going to faint right on the phone if I call her and tell her that Ira is gone . No , I mustn't share this over the phone . Ohh , Nora why are you so high on drama , Ira takes after you and look , look what has come of it !!!" Mr. Holloway didn't even realise that he was now talking out loud , till he noticed Jay looking at him half concerned and half about to ask him a question .

" Ohh I am sorry Jay , this is a tab bit much for even me and all too sudden, you must excuse my nerves. I may claim to be young at heart but these two women , the loves of my life ... my daughter and my wife are  not easy to be around , my nerves are not what they used to be. Thank you so much for not spilling the beans on my daughter's , well whatever this is , whatever she has gotten into this time .... back at the Hotel, in front of my wife! "

Jay was thin, slightly above average in height, had greasy yet well kept hair , his square spectacles made his square jaw stand out even more ..... but his kind eyes gave his face a very appealing quality . Appealing not like a good looking movie actor is, but appealing like the stranger you might bump into on the subway , and would feel absolutely comfortable sharing all your troubles with . For a young man of 28 , Jay looked much younger , may be that is why Mr. Holloway couldn't take him as seriously as Jay wanted him to . The fact that Jay was always dressed in khaki's , a suspender and bright shirts , with sneakers on , probably also didn't help.

Jay was a sharp contrast to Mr. Holloway , he called him Mr. T , short for Theodore . Mr Theodore Holloway , looked exactly like Jay had imagined he would , before he first met him 11 years ago . Mr. Holloway was a smart looking man of 60 now. He had a thick head of peppered hair , more salt than pepper if one were to be precise . He had small deep set , sympathetic eyes , the lines or the lack of them, on his face told you that he came from affluence. The perpetual natural tan gave him an air of someone who was well travelled. There were quite a few soft lines around his mouth , wrinkles around his eyes were still not quite there but you could make them out when he would laugh or smile big. Mr. Holloway liked to dress up crisp, at all times of the day. Even after his retirement , which was more self imposed than necessary, he always was well dressed no matter what time of day one were to drop in on the Holloway household. His face looked wise and he always spoke of the world like he knew it just so well and the world knew him ,like an old friend . Nothing was too much , or a surprise for Mr Holloway usually . He was a man of many words, a man of wisdom and of immense patience .

If Mr. Theodore looked like the frazzled man he did right now , it usually meant that either his wild, excitable daughter Ira or his beautiful and overzealous wife Nora had gotten some idea in their heads that they were for all intents and purposes hell bent on pursuing , much to the chagrin of Mr. Holloway.  Jay remembered how for the 16th Birthday of Ira , both Nora and Ira had decided to have homeless people invited to the restaurant where the celebration was planned to take place. Which of course meant Mr. Holloway had to make it happen by talking the restaurant into allowing homeless people to dine at their establishment and by rounding up enough homeless people from the shelter next to the church. Jay almost felt sorry for Mr. Holloway back then , and he felt just as bad for himself now.

Jay though to himself , " How life comes full circle sometimes, like Ira says."
"Oh , I understand Mr. T , it's absolutely normal to feel .... ahhh a little overwhelmed, given what has happened. I knew Mrs. Holloway would take it too hard , so I got you out of the house and brought you straight here to see if you could perhaps make any sense of this. I am not sure if we should be worried , I mean its Ira and she sometimes likes to push our buttons by pulling these disappearances doesn't she ?" And then he answered his question with just as much strain in his voice ....." Ohh , I dunno what shall we do now Mr. T ? I have been trying Ira's phone since last evening , and its switched off . " Jay said , as he looked around the room again to see if he could somehow figure out where Ira might be from what was in her bedroom.

Mr Holloway pursed his lips together and closed his eyes as though about to laugh , he was tired and with a deep breath he said sharply  , " Jay, well I warned you when you walked into our house holding her hand more than a decade ago . I told you , she is like a bright , beautiful flame ..... you can't hold her , you will want to , but you can't . That's how Nora was , I don't know how I have managed to keep that woman from running away for good , because there have been times when she came this close to leaving me and little Ira behind wanting to save the poor in Africa , or research and write her book on the Pyramids in Egypt , or to go protest against the government when Wall street ate all our collective money. I don't have half the passion that these two have in their little toes , but I love them to bits . My fate was sealed the moment I kissed Nora under the tropical sun of Saint Martin 3 decades ago.... you fool you had a chance to save yourself , but no , teenage and all those hormones screwed you over my boy. And here we are ...... the wedding party is paid for , the caterers , the flowers, the wedding planner , the outfits , the hotel all done , 1 Groom all set but short of a bride." Soon as he said these words, Mr. Holloway smirked and shrugged his shoulders and also realised this was not the time to make Jay feel small , this boy had for the better part of more than a decade loved and cared for her daughter , through all of her propensity for drama and he was practically family already. Mr. Holloway couldn't always tell if Jay was really upset or just bracing himself for what was to come.

Jay looked more pale than he usually did , he was almost about to turn and walk away and then he changed his mind.He paused for a moment and then as gaily as he could he said , " Mr T. , I have loved Ira for who she is , her spirit , her mind or sometimes the absence of it , her raging fits of temper , even higher peaks of joy. I know you think I am not mature enough to handle a woman like her , but you have your way and I have mine . I mean for the love of all things sane , I don't understand how can you laugh right now. I never asked her to marry me because I knew she would ask herself if she wanted to and thats exactly what happened , she asked me to marry her....... how could I have said NO!!. Would you have , to Mrs. Holloway back in your day? We are lucky the two of us Mr T. ...... I just need to figure this one out , more than ever . I am sure this is supposed to be something she planned with the wedding in her mind ..... there have to have been hints she dropped or clues she hid . I am worried as heck but I still feel butterflies in my stomach. Am I going crazy Mr. T ??? " ...... Jay looked down right worried again .
Mr. Holloway though to himself , " His goose is cooked. I better help this poor chap." 

The Misgivings of being a Giver .....

If you open your heart, and give your all to the world around you, and for them you still seem to be just another step to the next thing, or a stroke of luck that has somehow worked in their favor, or they take it for something that YOU just had to do ..... then dont put yourself down for being around these people. You just by being there, have uplifted them, you have allowed them to see something , which they are not capable of doing for another human being.
A lot many of us, feel sometimes,that we are doing way too much and getting way less in return.... and yet a few others feel that they are only always doing things and getting , absolute zilch in return. So between these 02 groups, its most likely, that 90% of the population, isnt really going out of their way to begin with , and are just complaining (which comes oh so naturally to all of us!) about things which are not sooo big of a deal anyway. However, the people I wish to reach with this little piece , are the people, who give like it is their second nature, like they were put here to help others out, ALL the time. These are the happy strangers, or almost strangers (who'd let them go easy, they are such a prize to have in your circle of life, so start to get to know them better for keeps) who have gallantly showed you the light , on your darkest days , or have rescued you at times, when u really needed rescuing .... or have out of the big mushy heart of theirs been loving towards you, when it was hard probably even for God almighty to not smack you once and tell you that you're being impossible!

These are the sort of people , who think not once, and are miles away on their journey to be there for the ones they love... before you can say Jack Robinson! Those are the people, that I want to tell, that dont sell yourself short.... dont you , dare think that you get less back cuz you dont deserve it. It's because the rest of us , can't contain hearts as big as yours in our chests, that we somehow fall short of your expectations. Everyone of us, knows someone like you, someone who makes them feel safe , and cared for . And trust me everyone is always gushing about how lucky they were to find you . It is because of people like you, that the world hasnt crumbled and turned to ashes . It is because of people like you that there are still stories of heroes, because people can still believe in them!!
Never give up on yourself, never allow the jaded , inwardly motivated , selfish and insensitive agenda's of the less emotionally gifted people bring you down. You are a gift , and you should feel like one ..... all the time!


A Summer's Dusk .....

Those drops of dew , hanging on for all but imperishable love,
sparkling in the evening sun's last glimmer of hope.
Just as the young rose bud, curled in a bit tighter to settle in,
the drops of water decide to lay it to bed lighter n slip away.

The sky, pink ,with the last remains of what was a bright sunny day,
giving way to a most serene, lyrical dance of light on the sparsely spread clouds.
Dusk, walks in, half shy & half unsure of what it will get to see tonight,
gingerly stepping in, one foot after another, tip-toeing ever so gently n quiet.

Covered in nothing but a shimmery robe of summers grandest n best sceneries ,
bringing with it a drunken charm of promise, adventure, nervous flutters n more, this dusk.
A young man, lounging under the luxuriously lush sycamore, looks up with one eye,
admiring this work of art, unfolding before him, regarding it the sweetest of natures lullabies.

The wind, dancing to the tunes of summer, caressing every leaf, branch, flower n tree,
coming down slowly and gently , every now & then to lay a kiss on a young cheek.
Gloriously colorful , blissfully bright , effervescent & stirring up hearts everywhere, 
flirtatious, youthful, lively, smiling & beautiful like an innocent belle of sixteen, this dusk. 

Birds singing, the sea moving, the lakes n rivers sparkling in a sweet summer serenade,
smiling faces, happy & content, happiness for no shallow reasons, but just the joy of being alive ! 
The dusk of an everlasting summer romance, the adventure of a life time, the beauty of that eve,
the world coming together in natures glory n celebration, of all that will make the most jaded come to life!

When Jolted out of lifes Slumber ... How not to go back to it

There are times when ,all the everyday chores, plans, routines and the habits that we come to acquire over years of repetition and exposure to the same kind of circumstances , situations and events ..... seem to just all come together into a big ball of blur. This is when a  person , feels that they are entirely dissociated from this blur , and it doesn't relate to their life or what they feel in their heart should be their life. These are times ,which require , one thing and one thing only .... these are the times , when we need to jolt ourselves out of our state of suspended animation. The only reason we were put on this earth is and always will be , to be the very best versions of ourselves and be the happiest we can be , while we work towards that perfection.
No more Slumber
People say life is complicated, the world is a harsh place , that there are a multitude of things that "must" be done to have a life of "meaning " ..... and that in my opinion is a dangerous way of thinking , or giving into . There are more reasons than you or I could together fathom, for which the world has come to have this very acutely specific notion of , what exactly makes for a good , well lived life . School, job , money , social status , dressing a certain way .... judging those who do not fit the norm and shunning those who make choices that are not considered "normal " by the majority of us , who have chosen to borrow & absorb, the worn out, dated, passed down ideas of how one should live their life.
Sometimes , when we put in all our heart and soul into , acquiring these objects of borrowed desire  , in our pursuit of these things which are not even of after our own heart....we are lead to the mirror of our life state, by this loving universe in all its compassion. That is exactly when, we feel that we are awake finally in the longest time , and we see that  , what we have to come to surround ourselves with isnt really what we want or need.

And to make sure that you do not allow yourself to slip into this delusion , all we need to do is keep these 03 simple things in mind :

01. Love yourself : i know all of us have these things that we are very hard on ourselves about . And well I think that is frankly a bit too judgy ! life is a bit , too much to take in sometimes and every once in a while, we are allowed to drop the ball ... , so just relax and let yourself down easy. even einstein had to do a whole lotta repeat experiments .... its perfectly ok to be , you know .... YOU!

02. Be Courageous : You have to have cahones , and thats that ^_^ . Yes , be a ninja, be a samurai , be bruc lee .... be the fat one from Asterix & Obelix ...... take your pick of a real cool guy and then go ahead and be it !! Not only will you surprise yourself, you will find yourself .... feeling pretty cool about it . And the easiest way to do that , is be nice .... real real nice. It takes cahones to be nice .... and in this utterly busy world, people have forgotten to be nice ...... imagine how much positivity you would create by doing that. ... and that stuff, comes back around, so ...win win!!

03. Always have a sense of adventure : always have a sense of advenutre like Mr Gru , and sing along .... " It might seem crazy what I’m about to say,Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break, I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space, With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way"

But seriously , we need to have a sense of adventure about life's everyday little obstacles \ challenges . I always think of me, as the grand protagonist in this , opulent story .... working her way to the happily ever after , while slaying demons, monsters & other such nastiness . Just gives me that extra edge on the esp tricky days :) . You dont have to imagine a story like mine, just go find your own story or stories and use what it is that works for you. Being scared never got us to the good stuff, and we end up missing out on a adventure, so pull up them socks, suit up & be on with it ..... cuz everyone who ever did, never lived a day of regret or boredom!Find your self a goal \ dream , make an adventure of it and then just go ahead and get it !

And just those 03 things , is all one needs to remind themselves of , especially on the days that seem to have a little less light than other days .... to NOT give in , to NOT be morose & to NOT choose things that are not what make You happy.
Keep fighting the good fight !! I know I will , with every bit of my own flare
.. not borrowed!!

A Missing Shoe

He and her,  had sat in that corner over there,
two peas in a pod, two faces in crowd that didnt get lost.
Not scared to love, no sir not those two,
and they did, and did it better than most of us do.

On a bright as a beach, lovely as a peach summary day,
she with her tan and bonnet and he in his sailor cap.
sitting a mile apart but it has strange ways, our heart.
They could tell , feel one another from that distance apart.

ohh the imagery of that day, would make you swoon !
A girl of nothing and a man so well to do .. 
caught in a game as old as nature itself and exciting too.
Ohh they were meant to be, more than anyone ....those two.

A courtship of envious and opulent gestures ensued,
and she was swept off, by the charm and lure of their objectionable union.
They were young, they were fearless and not jaded by the world as we know it.
Against a thousand voices they went ahead and tied the knot.

She made him a better man ... more than he thought he could be.
And he made her feel like a goddess who had descended just for he.
No parallels could be drawn , for such was their magical story .
They were intoxicated ,like it cant be imagined by your or me.

It was a "forever", written in stone that was changed that starry night.
A meant -to- be , that had sort of decided to just pick up and walk.
A dory out by the lake in his back yard, a dinner to surprise her they say.
They went out together, laughing like always, holding eachother close.

In the morning, they dory had floated up on the sandy bank on its own.
She looked pretty, so white, so quiet ... the jasmine still fragrant in her hair.
He had turned a bit pale, his hand although still wrapped tight around her.
No breath, no signs , nothing but serenity on their faces and her missing shoe.



When the rains come down on us,
every June I sit down and I wonder
if this is just a cycle of God's earth
or is it me who makes the sky weep.

Oh I am not self absorbed
I know the science behind it , I do.
The water from the oceans and rivers
and the sun heating up our green earth.

Then it pours down upon us from the skies,
and we rejoice for this great kindness we earned.
Plenty plain and boring that notion I find,
and hence this thought comes to mind.

Can I, just one little person of no great influence,
be the reason why the sky is sad and grey and weeps.
I have the blues you know, sometimes more than others,
and when I do I wish for a rainbow across my window.

But I have to wait, for summer and beyond, 
to see those colors that I know I so want.
And I wait, and I wait and I long for it .
Sometimes I say a little prayer too,real quiet.

No cotton candy, no polka dots, no amount of ribbons,
not Clark Gable or even James Dean bring me a smile.
Yes I'm a girl and the idea of a romance I do fancy,
but why oh why do these blues wont let me be.

And then I ask for my rainbow and I wish upon stars,
and I close my eyes and try to imagine really hard.
That my rainbow is right outside my window sill,
and when I put my hand out, its colored all blue,green and yellow.

And then when I am just about to give up,
on shaking off the blues and on my rainbow.
The calendar is through 12 pages and June is here.
The grey skies bring me this sense of joy and happiness.

And when the streets are curtained behind umbrellas,
I run out on the bridge with no rain coat or rubber boots,
in my polka dress and sneakers, jumping like a lunatic,
happy that its finally here, my rainbow of waiting for a year.

So I'd like to believe, that I had a little something, 
to do with all that color showing up in the blue sky.
Because with everything,everyone and all of that,
all I ever wanted was it to pour really hard!

A world of your own...

There are a lot of things that we see in our everyday lives that we wish we could keep with us. Either an object of desire, or of beauty, a person, a memory, or a feeling ..... there is often this need to capture, own, preserve and forever hold these instances of time in our hearts or somewhere more tangible. Where you can go back to, just like you go down to your basement, or to the attic, to pull out that old baseball glove, or that raggedy old doll, or an old photo album.... and you always know ,that the next time you want to visit them, these moments frozen in time, they will still be there. Covered in just a little bit of dust, a little bit of nostalgia, a thin layer of age.... but still there.

" Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin" -Barbara Kingsolver

The Rabbits hole!

Memory, somehow has this quality of impermanence, of wearing out, of decay if you will... that always makes me feel that submitting my thoughts, ideas, affections, wisdom to memory doesn't do justice to my desire to hold on to them. And yet, that is the only means I have to that end. There are some tricks or practices, to each their own beliefs!, out there in the world that one would think can help you hold on to  or re-visit these fleeting moments in time that you want to preserve. Hypnotism can take you right back to that instant in time, or so they say. And then there are memory tricks that you can use to keep things fresh and real in that enormous labyrinth of information that we carry around every single day, all of our lives.

Holding on.... hmmmm, I personally sometimes struggle with the idea of holding, keeping, retaining,having and harboring. It inevitably makes us sound like hoarders, collectors or worse like someone who is incomplete without the things they possess, someone who is incapable of letting go. Its a very anti climatic thought , this one I just put across, especially when we are who we are because of where we have been and is that not a function of memory? To know where we've been.  A very unromantic idea then waltzes into my head, unromantic because it thrives on practicality, logic and most definitely always on the truth.... and not a glorified, exaggerated idea of our wants, desires and dreams. And it is "wisdom"!

If we learn what there is to learn, from every experience, every encounter with another, every exchange with another being, place or thing...... wont that experience have fulfilled its purpose by way of enriching us, not in terms of the pictures, images, feelings that we carry in our heads or hearts.... but in terms of leaving us with something, that has made us learn something. Something of value, for our life, and those around us. And is that not wisdom ?

Having a dream, of a time to come or a time long gone, is a quality that is by far the greatest sanctuary that the human mind has known..... a place away from the right now, a place that has haunted us, a place that has encouraged us, that has kept us safe, or given us hope. A characteristic that is probably at the center of everything that makes us who we are.... and is in the same measure capable of bringing us to our knees, and showing us a side of ourselves which we never imagined to have existed.

I am not much of a thinker, and in that way I feel blessed, because things can come and go and I am still where I was before the event .... emotionally speaking that is. But I cant imagine how those, who dwell in this sphere of our minds, where everything exists only because it is a figment of their memory or imagination.... deal with things. And I say that only because, even though I am not a thinker, I have faced many a times, this dilemma... of not knowing where to draw the line between the real and the imaginary. It must be difficult to deal with whats outside and real, when you are not sure of what is real and not on the inside. Is'nt that cause enough for a clash between your own faculties??

Memory and imagination, I have gone ahead and added two variables to this equation! I do apologize ..... I guess, our minds have a way of revealing things to us. A journey is thus just with one constant, the starting point..... where you will go, well that still remains a function of the actions, the course you take as you journey on. Choosing to stay with what is real, what is enriching, what is in fact a safe flight from our plain of reality and back ..... that is a choice, a question, a journey and for some a struggle.

Here is to the adventurous who journeyed just so far and brought back with them wisdom or stories, the frequent flyers who take leave to that land often and come back safe, the brave who made it far beyond and back and especially to the weak ones we lost to the other side. Where are you drawing the line ?

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