When the rains come down on us,
every June I sit down and I wonder
if this is just a cycle of God's earth
or is it me who makes the sky weep.

Oh I am not self absorbed
I know the science behind it , I do.
The water from the oceans and rivers
and the sun heating up our green earth.

Then it pours down upon us from the skies,
and we rejoice for this great kindness we earned.
Plenty plain and boring that notion I find,
and hence this thought comes to mind.

Can I, just one little person of no great influence,
be the reason why the sky is sad and grey and weeps.
I have the blues you know, sometimes more than others,
and when I do I wish for a rainbow across my window.

But I have to wait, for summer and beyond, 
to see those colors that I know I so want.
And I wait, and I wait and I long for it .
Sometimes I say a little prayer too,real quiet.

No cotton candy, no polka dots, no amount of ribbons,
not Clark Gable or even James Dean bring me a smile.
Yes I'm a girl and the idea of a romance I do fancy,
but why oh why do these blues wont let me be.

And then I ask for my rainbow and I wish upon stars,
and I close my eyes and try to imagine really hard.
That my rainbow is right outside my window sill,
and when I put my hand out, its colored all blue,green and yellow.

And then when I am just about to give up,
on shaking off the blues and on my rainbow.
The calendar is through 12 pages and June is here.
The grey skies bring me this sense of joy and happiness.

And when the streets are curtained behind umbrellas,
I run out on the bridge with no rain coat or rubber boots,
in my polka dress and sneakers, jumping like a lunatic,
happy that its finally here, my rainbow of waiting for a year.

So I'd like to believe, that I had a little something, 
to do with all that color showing up in the blue sky.
Because with everything,everyone and all of that,
all I ever wanted was it to pour really hard!

A world of your own...

There are a lot of things that we see in our everyday lives that we wish we could keep with us. Either an object of desire, or of beauty, a person, a memory, or a feeling ..... there is often this need to capture, own, preserve and forever hold these instances of time in our hearts or somewhere more tangible. Where you can go back to, just like you go down to your basement, or to the attic, to pull out that old baseball glove, or that raggedy old doll, or an old photo album.... and you always know ,that the next time you want to visit them, these moments frozen in time, they will still be there. Covered in just a little bit of dust, a little bit of nostalgia, a thin layer of age.... but still there.

" Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin" -Barbara Kingsolver

The Rabbits hole!

Memory, somehow has this quality of impermanence, of wearing out, of decay if you will... that always makes me feel that submitting my thoughts, ideas, affections, wisdom to memory doesn't do justice to my desire to hold on to them. And yet, that is the only means I have to that end. There are some tricks or practices, to each their own beliefs!, out there in the world that one would think can help you hold on to  or re-visit these fleeting moments in time that you want to preserve. Hypnotism can take you right back to that instant in time, or so they say. And then there are memory tricks that you can use to keep things fresh and real in that enormous labyrinth of information that we carry around every single day, all of our lives.

Holding on.... hmmmm, I personally sometimes struggle with the idea of holding, keeping, retaining,having and harboring. It inevitably makes us sound like hoarders, collectors or worse like someone who is incomplete without the things they possess, someone who is incapable of letting go. Its a very anti climatic thought , this one I just put across, especially when we are who we are because of where we have been and is that not a function of memory? To know where we've been.  A very unromantic idea then waltzes into my head, unromantic because it thrives on practicality, logic and most definitely always on the truth.... and not a glorified, exaggerated idea of our wants, desires and dreams. And it is "wisdom"!

If we learn what there is to learn, from every experience, every encounter with another, every exchange with another being, place or thing...... wont that experience have fulfilled its purpose by way of enriching us, not in terms of the pictures, images, feelings that we carry in our heads or hearts.... but in terms of leaving us with something, that has made us learn something. Something of value, for our life, and those around us. And is that not wisdom ?

Having a dream, of a time to come or a time long gone, is a quality that is by far the greatest sanctuary that the human mind has known..... a place away from the right now, a place that has haunted us, a place that has encouraged us, that has kept us safe, or given us hope. A characteristic that is probably at the center of everything that makes us who we are.... and is in the same measure capable of bringing us to our knees, and showing us a side of ourselves which we never imagined to have existed.

I am not much of a thinker, and in that way I feel blessed, because things can come and go and I am still where I was before the event .... emotionally speaking that is. But I cant imagine how those, who dwell in this sphere of our minds, where everything exists only because it is a figment of their memory or imagination.... deal with things. And I say that only because, even though I am not a thinker, I have faced many a times, this dilemma... of not knowing where to draw the line between the real and the imaginary. It must be difficult to deal with whats outside and real, when you are not sure of what is real and not on the inside. Is'nt that cause enough for a clash between your own faculties??

Memory and imagination, I have gone ahead and added two variables to this equation! I do apologize ..... I guess, our minds have a way of revealing things to us. A journey is thus just with one constant, the starting point..... where you will go, well that still remains a function of the actions, the course you take as you journey on. Choosing to stay with what is real, what is enriching, what is in fact a safe flight from our plain of reality and back ..... that is a choice, a question, a journey and for some a struggle.

Here is to the adventurous who journeyed just so far and brought back with them wisdom or stories, the frequent flyers who take leave to that land often and come back safe, the brave who made it far beyond and back and especially to the weak ones we lost to the other side. Where are you drawing the line ?

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