Where might Ira have gone to?

What was really the reason why she had to run away from everything , all of it was going exactly per  "THE PLAN" ,  and " THE PLAN" was after all the only thing that she had relied on to keep her life going just as she wanted it to. Mr. Holloway had no clue whatsoever , none ... nothing came to his mind at all ...... he just stood there , blank faced and blank of mind ...... staring at the room of his littler girl who was all grown up now .... the doors and windows wide open , looking over their big green backyard where she had grown up playing all year through.

The cupboards were open too , not much was out of place in that room even now ..... her clothes were neatly stacked almost grouped by color or shade ..... shirts,weaters and tops on one side , the dresses ,coats and trousers on the other. All her things from when she was 17, and had moved out were still in place  ...... ,He looked into the cupboard and thought " Ohh she kept that sweater !! And she brought it back with her! I know she didn't like it one bit but how sweet my Ira is ....."  , soon as Mr. Holloway felt this thought going through his head , he felt his heart fill up with love. But he thought of his wife next , as he looked at the big garment bag hanging on the Cupboard door...... there was a hint of worry on his face now .

" Nora is going to faint right on the phone if I call her and tell her that Ira is gone . No , I mustn't share this over the phone . Ohh , Nora why are you so high on drama , Ira takes after you and look , look what has come of it !!!" Mr. Holloway didn't even realise that he was now talking out loud , till he noticed Jay looking at him half concerned and half about to ask him a question .

" Ohh I am sorry Jay , this is a tab bit much for even me and all too sudden, you must excuse my nerves. I may claim to be young at heart but these two women , the loves of my life ... my daughter and my wife are  not easy to be around , my nerves are not what they used to be. Thank you so much for not spilling the beans on my daughter's , well whatever this is , whatever she has gotten into this time .... back at the Hotel, in front of my wife! "

Jay was thin, slightly above average in height, had greasy yet well kept hair , his square spectacles made his square jaw stand out even more ..... but his kind eyes gave his face a very appealing quality . Appealing not like a good looking movie actor is, but appealing like the stranger you might bump into on the subway , and would feel absolutely comfortable sharing all your troubles with . For a young man of 28 , Jay looked much younger , may be that is why Mr. Holloway couldn't take him as seriously as Jay wanted him to . The fact that Jay was always dressed in khaki's , a suspender and bright shirts , with sneakers on , probably also didn't help.

Jay was a sharp contrast to Mr. Holloway , he called him Mr. T , short for Theodore . Mr Theodore Holloway , looked exactly like Jay had imagined he would , before he first met him 11 years ago . Mr. Holloway was a smart looking man of 60 now. He had a thick head of peppered hair , more salt than pepper if one were to be precise . He had small deep set , sympathetic eyes , the lines or the lack of them, on his face told you that he came from affluence. The perpetual natural tan gave him an air of someone who was well travelled. There were quite a few soft lines around his mouth , wrinkles around his eyes were still not quite there but you could make them out when he would laugh or smile big. Mr. Holloway liked to dress up crisp, at all times of the day. Even after his retirement , which was more self imposed than necessary, he always was well dressed no matter what time of day one were to drop in on the Holloway household. His face looked wise and he always spoke of the world like he knew it just so well and the world knew him ,like an old friend . Nothing was too much , or a surprise for Mr Holloway usually . He was a man of many words, a man of wisdom and of immense patience .

If Mr. Theodore looked like the frazzled man he did right now , it usually meant that either his wild, excitable daughter Ira or his beautiful and overzealous wife Nora had gotten some idea in their heads that they were for all intents and purposes hell bent on pursuing , much to the chagrin of Mr. Holloway.  Jay remembered how for the 16th Birthday of Ira , both Nora and Ira had decided to have homeless people invited to the restaurant where the celebration was planned to take place. Which of course meant Mr. Holloway had to make it happen by talking the restaurant into allowing homeless people to dine at their establishment and by rounding up enough homeless people from the shelter next to the church. Jay almost felt sorry for Mr. Holloway back then , and he felt just as bad for himself now.

Jay though to himself , " How life comes full circle sometimes, like Ira says."
"Oh , I understand Mr. T , it's absolutely normal to feel .... ahhh a little overwhelmed, given what has happened. I knew Mrs. Holloway would take it too hard , so I got you out of the house and brought you straight here to see if you could perhaps make any sense of this. I am not sure if we should be worried , I mean its Ira and she sometimes likes to push our buttons by pulling these disappearances doesn't she ?" And then he answered his question with just as much strain in his voice ....." Ohh , I dunno what shall we do now Mr. T ? I have been trying Ira's phone since last evening , and its switched off . " Jay said , as he looked around the room again to see if he could somehow figure out where Ira might be from what was in her bedroom.

Mr Holloway pursed his lips together and closed his eyes as though about to laugh , he was tired and with a deep breath he said sharply  , " Jay, well I warned you when you walked into our house holding her hand more than a decade ago . I told you , she is like a bright , beautiful flame ..... you can't hold her , you will want to , but you can't . That's how Nora was , I don't know how I have managed to keep that woman from running away for good , because there have been times when she came this close to leaving me and little Ira behind wanting to save the poor in Africa , or research and write her book on the Pyramids in Egypt , or to go protest against the government when Wall street ate all our collective money. I don't have half the passion that these two have in their little toes , but I love them to bits . My fate was sealed the moment I kissed Nora under the tropical sun of Saint Martin 3 decades ago.... you fool you had a chance to save yourself , but no , teenage and all those hormones screwed you over my boy. And here we are ...... the wedding party is paid for , the caterers , the flowers, the wedding planner , the outfits , the hotel all done , 1 Groom all set but short of a bride." Soon as he said these words, Mr. Holloway smirked and shrugged his shoulders and also realised this was not the time to make Jay feel small , this boy had for the better part of more than a decade loved and cared for her daughter , through all of her propensity for drama and he was practically family already. Mr. Holloway couldn't always tell if Jay was really upset or just bracing himself for what was to come.

Jay looked more pale than he usually did , he was almost about to turn and walk away and then he changed his mind.He paused for a moment and then as gaily as he could he said , " Mr T. , I have loved Ira for who she is , her spirit , her mind or sometimes the absence of it , her raging fits of temper , even higher peaks of joy. I know you think I am not mature enough to handle a woman like her , but you have your way and I have mine . I mean for the love of all things sane , I don't understand how can you laugh right now. I never asked her to marry me because I knew she would ask herself if she wanted to and thats exactly what happened , she asked me to marry her....... how could I have said NO!!. Would you have , to Mrs. Holloway back in your day? We are lucky the two of us Mr T. ...... I just need to figure this one out , more than ever . I am sure this is supposed to be something she planned with the wedding in her mind ..... there have to have been hints she dropped or clues she hid . I am worried as heck but I still feel butterflies in my stomach. Am I going crazy Mr. T ??? " ...... Jay looked down right worried again .
Mr. Holloway though to himself , " His goose is cooked. I better help this poor chap." 

The Misgivings of being a Giver .....

If you open your heart, and give your all to the world around you, and for them you still seem to be just another step to the next thing, or a stroke of luck that has somehow worked in their favor, or they take it for something that YOU just had to do ..... then dont put yourself down for being around these people. You just by being there, have uplifted them, you have allowed them to see something , which they are not capable of doing for another human being.
A lot many of us, feel sometimes,that we are doing way too much and getting way less in return.... and yet a few others feel that they are only always doing things and getting , absolute zilch in return. So between these 02 groups, its most likely, that 90% of the population, isnt really going out of their way to begin with , and are just complaining (which comes oh so naturally to all of us!) about things which are not sooo big of a deal anyway. However, the people I wish to reach with this little piece , are the people, who give like it is their second nature, like they were put here to help others out, ALL the time. These are the happy strangers, or almost strangers (who'd let them go easy, they are such a prize to have in your circle of life, so start to get to know them better for keeps) who have gallantly showed you the light , on your darkest days , or have rescued you at times, when u really needed rescuing .... or have out of the big mushy heart of theirs been loving towards you, when it was hard probably even for God almighty to not smack you once and tell you that you're being impossible!

These are the sort of people , who think not once, and are miles away on their journey to be there for the ones they love... before you can say Jack Robinson! Those are the people, that I want to tell, that dont sell yourself short.... dont you , dare think that you get less back cuz you dont deserve it. It's because the rest of us , can't contain hearts as big as yours in our chests, that we somehow fall short of your expectations. Everyone of us, knows someone like you, someone who makes them feel safe , and cared for . And trust me everyone is always gushing about how lucky they were to find you . It is because of people like you, that the world hasnt crumbled and turned to ashes . It is because of people like you that there are still stories of heroes, because people can still believe in them!!
Never give up on yourself, never allow the jaded , inwardly motivated , selfish and insensitive agenda's of the less emotionally gifted people bring you down. You are a gift , and you should feel like one ..... all the time!

When Jolted out of lifes Slumber ... How not to go back to it

There are times when ,all the everyday chores, plans, routines and the habits that we come to acquire over years of repetition and exposure to the same kind of circumstances , situations and events ..... seem to just all come together into a big ball of blur. This is when a  person , feels that they are entirely dissociated from this blur , and it doesn't relate to their life or what they feel in their heart should be their life. These are times ,which require , one thing and one thing only .... these are the times , when we need to jolt ourselves out of our state of suspended animation. The only reason we were put on this earth is and always will be , to be the very best versions of ourselves and be the happiest we can be , while we work towards that perfection.

No more Slumber

People say life is complicated, the world is a harsh place , that there are a multitude of things that "must" be done to have a life of "meaning " ..... and that in my opinion is a dangerous way of thinking , or giving into . There are more reasons than you or I could together fathom, for which the world has come to have this very acutely specific notion of , what exactly makes for a good , well lived life . School, job , money , social status , dressing a certain way .... judging those who do not fit the norm and shunning those who make choices that are not considered "normal " by the majority of us , who have chosen to borrow & absorb, the worn out, dated, passed down ideas of how one should live their life.
Sometimes , when we put in all our heart and soul into , acquiring these objects of borrowed desire  , in our pursuit of these things which are not even of after our own heart....we are lead to the mirror of our life state, by this loving universe in all its compassion. That is exactly when, we feel that we are awake finally in the longest time , and we see that  , what we have to come to surround ourselves with isnt really what we want or need.

And to make sure that you do not allow yourself to slip into this delusion , all we need to do is keep these 03 simple things in mind :

01. Love yourself : i know all of us have these things that we are very hard on ourselves about . And well I think that is frankly a bit too judgy ! life is a bit , too much to take in sometimes and every once in a while, we are allowed to drop the ball ... , so just relax and let yourself down easy. even einstein had to do a whole lotta repeat experiments .... its perfectly ok to be , you know .... YOU!

02. Be Courageous : You have to have cahones , and thats that ^_^ . Yes , be a ninja, be a samurai , be bruc lee .... be the fat one from Asterix & Obelix ...... take your pick of a real cool guy and then go ahead and be it !! Not only will you surprise yourself, you will find yourself .... feeling pretty cool about it . And the easiest way to do that , is be nice .... real real nice. It takes cahones to be nice .... and in this utterly busy world, people have forgotten to be nice ...... imagine how much positivity you would create by doing that. ... and that stuff, comes back around, so ...win win!!

03. Always have a sense of adventure : always have a sense of advenutre like Mr Gru , and sing along .... " It might seem crazy what I’m about to say,Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break, I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space, With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way"

But seriously , we need to have a sense of adventure about life's everyday little obstacles \ challenges . I always think of me, as the grand protagonist in this , opulent story .... working her way to the happily ever after , while slaying demons, monsters & other such nastiness . Just gives me that extra edge on the esp tricky days :) . You dont have to imagine a story like mine, just go find your own story or stories and use what it is that works for you. Being scared never got us to the good stuff, and we end up missing out on a adventure, so pull up them socks, suit up & be on with it ..... cuz everyone who ever did, never lived a day of regret or boredom!Find your self a goal \ dream , make an adventure of it and then just go ahead and get it !

And just those 03 things , is all one needs to remind themselves of , especially on the days that seem to have a little less light than other days .... to NOT give in , to NOT be morose & to NOT choose things that are not what make You happy.
Keep fighting the good fight !! I know I will , with every bit of my own flare
.. not borrowed!!

Just another Story... untold!

  
And then there was no more left , other than what she saw in her room.... an almost empty bottle of rum, a half burnt cigarette  lying no more than a foot away from her and about twenty cigarette butts in the ashtray, her clothes on the floor.... an open closet which was so full of color.... that she felt repulsed by it. She got up, wobbly on her feet and walked till the mirror.... what she saw, should have shocked her, scared her, shaken her..... but all she felt was .... pity or may be it was nothing at all. Her neat little bun was undone and made her look like a deranged killer straight out of a bad movie, her mascara had left stains on her cheeks and her face, there were traces of a bright pink shade of lipstick on her lips, which were dry.... as dry as a dead,withered leaf , fallen from a tree in the dead of autumn...... she stood there in her black Chemise, one bright yellow stiletto on her foot, the other one she couldn't even be bothered to go look for. In fact, she could not be less bothered about life at all . Another Friday night had come and gone by and she had drunk till thy kingdom come, till all her senses had deserted her and she had left for a place of.... not knowing, not comprehending, where they did'nt have a place...her senses that is, a place where she did not have to use her head at all.
Another Friday evening that she had wanted to go home and sort out the storm that would hit her every Friday afternoon..... and like every other Friday since the last one year, she had ended up... going about town, with friends, co-workers, acquaintances or whoever would care to give her company .... drinking , dancing, coming back home, drinking more and passing out.

Still staring at the wreck she saw in the mirror, she felt she was looking at someone else..... anyone else but her, she was the prim and proper mumma's little girl.... who always combed her hair back, always tied them in a neat high pony, wore light pink dresses, light yellows or some other plain Jane, good girl shade. Someone who never raised her voice, someone who never spoke ill of anyone, someone who trusted blindly, someone who believed that life was going to be just wonderful. And here she was, a wreck, a quitter, a raging alcoholic, a nicotine junkie, anorexic, poor lonely girl ..... with clothes piled up till the roof in her house, shoes bursting out of her closet, no money in the bank, and a foul smell from the smoke that emanated from a burnt out dream in her heart... that refused to leave her.

"When did I get this jaded?" ... she thought to herself, " When did I give up on hope? When did I stop smiling? When did this life turn into this.... this, lonesome, unhappy, miserable mess ?" .... even though she was saying the questions out loud, she didn't want to think of the answer.... so much so that she turned around and walked into her bathroom.


About an hour long shower later, she stepped out, made herself some coffee, popped a few aspirins to rid her off the throbbing she could feel in her head..... "Sigh!! another hangover." , she said to herself.
She finished her coffee, put on a pair of khaki's a white shirt..... and it was hard to find, in that wardrobe , which she had stocked with bright bold colors of all kind, to hide the lack of them in her life behind. She picked up her handbag,her camera and walked out of the house .

It was a bright day outside, it was a wonderfully lovely spring morning. She was glad that she could still smile with the sun, at the sun, for the sun..... even as a little girl, she had thought that, the great big ball of fire in the sky was a friend, and she knew from then on she was always going to be a happy sunshine , morning girl. Lost in her thoughts she walked through the San Francisco Bay area Flea market ..... like every Saturday morning. She loved that flea market, all the used things she felt had a story to tell..... a story of who they use to belong to , of a love that no longer lived or at least of a love that had gone far away for some reason. She felt that she belonged there, just like all those things, given up by people, who no longer wanted them, or no longer could keep them .... and behind each one of them was a story..... just like her.And she loved capturing those sundry things on her camera.

Walking around, she walked to the cozy little cafe that she had made her second home for those first few lonely months in San Francisco. Jane the nice old woman who owned the cafe, was her mother away from home, the one person who she trusted blindly , with her life, her money, her dog ..Sharpie, and everything else she held sacred. She walked in, and Jane was more than happy to see her, and with one look Jane could tell that She had been drinking again!... "You better stop feeding all that alcohol and nicotine to that thin little body of yours..... you are so young, so beautiful, your whole life ahead of you.... and to think you haven't even fallen in love yet! When I was a young girl in New York, men would lie down on the street for a woman like you..." , " Oh Fran! please dont... not today! I know you love me, and you worry about me.But you don't have to try to get me to quit my life.. that is who I am. But I love you !" ..... She cut Jane off , before Jane could finish her song about, how New York was the place to be in the 70's and how She was not realizing what she was doing to herself...... She gave Jane a hug, and a peck on her cheek ... and Jane shook her head in exasperation, and asked her to sit down and went into the kitchen to make her a coffee.

She took the coffee from Jane, and told her she was going to go out for a walk and come back after an hour or so and they would have lunch together. This was her routine every Saturday. She loved the day, loved spending it with Jane and the people at the Cafe. As she walked out the door, Fran.... that is what She called Jane, because for her, Jane was San Francisco, for no one else in the city meant more to her,... glanced over her shoulder, just like a mother, looks at her child before she leaves the house.

She had barely walked a few feet from the cafe, looking at the clouds in the sky... she bumped into someone and spilled her coffee all over herself. Not seeing who or what it was, She yelled out, "Ohh my God!! would it kill you to look where you're going.... that's a 200$ Chanel shirt that you just ruined!!".... when she looked up, she saw who she had bumped into..... and she froze , her feet suddenly felt like they were made of stone, she could'nt breathe..... she wanted to scream, but her lungs failed her.

They Think they can find me

Those people in the street across from the cafe, 02 men and a woman staring at me, think they can get to me. The men one burly, the other very shapely and lean and the woman with eyes like a placid lake have been looking at me for too long. I am barely able to bring my coffee cup to my lips without my wrist making a challenge of it. He hasnt noticed anything in me, that has been trigerred from the presence across the road. He has been sitting there laughing about his stories from work. I try to pay attention to what he is saying about his ex girlfriend who is now working in his office. I am his girlfriend, i should be paying attention, but i cant those 03 people out there are making me so nervous, one ciggeratte after another and yet i feel nothing.

He has been holding my hand on the table all this while, may be thats why i am still awake, conscious and present.... he wont let me go, I look at his fingers, strong and shaped alike, like they were made in a factory ... a factory that makes beautiful hands and fingers. He must get it from his mother, gosh they are all so beautiful in his family. I never thought he would fall for me, not once. ME!! ouch.... that must hurt, to be my boyfriend. He is so mature, handsome, accomplished and smart and well dressed. He is everything i thought the movie stars are, when i was young.