Death of a Love!

Oh dear love of mine, so lost and so far,
that moment from long ago, do you remember?
When there was you and me and that was all.
Never seperate, never alone,wet with love you and I.

That ocean we dreamed of and yearned for ,that dream of you and I,
how we longed for the world to melt away with all its puzzles.
I used to wish I was everything that you had imagined,in your dreams of me,
I remember you said, if something meant more than life to you, it was me.

Too good to be true, too promising for fate to give a miss,
or was it us, was it me and now we blame fate for things that hurt.
It doesnt matter what word I choose, or can think of today.
For today I grieve the death of that love, a love that I had dearly loved.

Its only words, and I wont burden them with the weight,
the weight of my heart's sorrow, for they will just break.
My soul tells me, its over, for another has taken your place,
where I had left you I see a changed man... a new face.

I wasnt there, no I did not let you have me, I left and walked on,
for every two steps you took, I stepped away by even more.
But I had to, when you saw there was every reason for me not to.
In my mind there was, one reason, that kept me from falling ... for you.

I was with you, for you and completely sure that I wanted you,
but signs, these signs that I could not ignore, and I had to leave.
Luck favors the brave, and I wasnt, you wanted me there and I wasnt.
And today I grieve the death of a love that I with all my heart had loved!

No one will see that I was there with you, yes i was.
You do not see that I was there right next to you , I was love.
Whether I be back, or not, it doesnt matter any more to no one,for you changed.
There is no one to grieve with me, the death of the love that I still Love!

We never needed this

When the world was still just a baby girl,
when the stars were naughty little boys,
when the moon was not so bright in the sky,
and the sun was not more than a giant torchlight.

Even in those days beyond time, from long ago,
there was a plan or some scheme for all to go by.
No calendars, no timekeepers and yet all went just right so.
The forces to be knew exactly what they had to do.

Today with all the brains and intellect to go,
and even with all the dense contraptions of science.
When man is marvelled as the greatest creation of god,
there is no order to the madness that ensues.

Simple they say, is where god choses to reside,
and yet more convoluted are the methods we choose.
A facade really of the most inconceivably thorny design,
has been in the making layer by layer for the longest time.

We see, we judge, we think and we do,
what we think is expected in this world of two.
The actor and the stage, is all that really remains.
no substance, no consciousness, a mask and nothing plain.

A train to ...........

Everyday i take that train from the same place,
the train that takes me, takes me nowhere at all.
That train that is full of strangers, young and old alike.
with people who stare out of the windows .... waiting.

I board the train everyday,carrying a renewed hope within,
imagining of the places that this train might take me to.
This train I hope, will bring to me one day may be a friend,
and yet with strangers,on this train to somwhere, there is none.

Sitting by the window,everyday i look out to the world,
at the buildings, the same ones everyday, hoping to see,
a pretty face, in one of the windows looking out at me.
And yet the train to nowhere brings me absolutely nobody.

I look out at the sky, the rays of the sun having fun,
dancing on the clouds,refusing to give way to the night.
I hope that some day these clouds will want to ask me why,
do i take this train to nowhere and i know what will i say.

I look out to the mountains,thinking that they might know,
if anyone ever on this train got somewhere they wanted to.
But the anchored giants just look at me so blank and stare,
they are in on the secret,with this train to somewhere but just wont share.

Everyday i look forward to getting on this train to who knows where,
hoping to see new people on the train, and giving them a scare.
The new ones are hopeful you see, its is their first time here,
to tell them is my job i feel that this train is going absolutely nowhere!

The Coffee Jar Story

Mornings were such a bitter sweet thing to her ever since she could remember,
satin sheets,pillows and a persistent ray of the sun peeking thorugh the blinds.
Looking out at the sun,sky scrapers,listening to the sounds of a city waking up,
Still under-covers she wondered "what would he be doing..picking sunflowers" she hoped.

   The warm smell of cocoa enveloped  her skyhigh 25th floor appartment,
   The feeling of another day that had come in through the window quietly.
    Dressed in her loose white gown,she walked to the kitchen and stretched,
   picking up the beautiful coffee jar that sat on top of the empty cabinets.

A Coffee jar that meant more, more than just a container with coffee, to her,
the porcelain jar from the streets of Tuscany, from a travel of 02 years ago.
A coffee jar picked up from a local store run by the handsome Adalberto,
reminded her of the beautiful city of towers named San Gimignano in Tuscany.

  Mornings became more beautiful to her after her unforgettable stay in Tuscany,
  After her run in with love,careless love,one of no obligation with an Italian man.
  Adalberto was her friend, her guide,her love in the breathtaking beauty of Italy.
  They crossed paths,when the summer had added an extra glow to nature and the old city.

Magical nights, out by the Lake Como,romantic dinners by the vineyard under clear skies,
He would love her, just right,not holding on too tight, she thought if she wanted that really?
It didnt matter, because this was a pit stop and then it would soon be LA Calling after  her
15 days,15 nights and 02 years later, the coffee jar still reminded her of mornings with him.

  Every sip of her coffee would remind her of how he everyday brought her toasts n marmalade,
  in bed,on a tray with sunflowers ..for he said she was like sunshine to him all day everyday.
  And it was love for those 15 days,till one night from Platform five at Chiusi station she left,
  Adalberto stood there and waved goodbye, all she took was the coffee jar to remember him by.

This morning in the shower she felt that it was time,she packed her bags and took off to see,
if that love was real and meant anything at all, and if he thought of her all the time, like she.
She slipped into her clothes,packed a knapsack with clothes and diary, she paused to breathe,
and told her heart to take it easy,as she ran out the door in a hurry she gave one last look to the jar.

And then there was one .....

There were too many things on her mind when her head hit the pillow this night. She wasnt used to thinking so much, not for this...not for anything. She had never thought in a million years that Tristan would leave her and just go away from her life. She didnt know what was this feeling that her heart was experiencing right now, she knew it wasnt a good feeling because she felt like there was'nt any strength in her lungs to even breathe.

Tristan, the boy she met in college, the guy who everyone loved for being such an open hearted soul. The boy who had told her once that she was like his little angel, in this world filled with cruel things and lacking in magic. Tristan the boy who had once said that he would devote his life to her.. ... Tristan, the boy who was the reason why she was the way she was today, a head strong, confident girl ..... a shy little creature from Milwaukee, who had been transformed into an artist known for her edge, for her words that gave many hope and many others something to think about, a columnist with the New York Times. She had made her mark in this world, she had shown everyone who ever doubted her coy and shy self... that she was someone who mattered,someone whose opinion mattered. And yet all of it didnt matter, for Tristan was gone!
   Tristan, had been with her, her companion for 06 years now... they had been through so much together, from the perils of growing up to the perils of being NewYorkers..... Eva had , had Tristan by her side. He loved her like no one could love her, he had even left his family behind in DC to be with her. She was his world and he was hers. At least till she moved to New York, Tristan was all Eva cared for.
But then the dazzle, high life and the social circles of New York changed Eva, she wanted more...more of evrything. More money, more clothes, bigger apartment and a bigger car. Tristan was doing mediocre by Eva's high standards, for he was a struggling musician who was surviving by making music for games, obscure infomercials...... nothing glamourous.
Eva ..... the girl who grew up believing that Love was all that was necessary to keep one alive, had forgotten about what really mattered. She thought of all this and looked at the man who lay next to her ...... on the bed that was Tristan's, there lay John, her colleague..... who had all the things going for him, that Tristan had failed to deliver on.
  Eva felt disgusted with herself, she got up from her bed, she rather jumped off it..... she ran to the balcony and started looking at the railings, feeling them with her fingers..... and there it was , a little piece of metal shining through the black paint on the iron..... in the shape of a heart. Tristan had done that one evening, when they lay in the balcony nestled in each other's arms..... telling Eva that this was a piece of him...... a piece of his hear that he had put on the balcony, for Eva..... so that whenever she missed him, every time he went away for auditions..... she could run to it.... hold it and see it, and know that he was thinking of her too. "This heart...." , Tristan had said, "... willl keep u safe my Pixie... it will keep you from harm, when i am not by your side. Always remember, I will be gone only to come back.... to you, for you are my piece of heaven in this world!"

Eva sobbed and sobbed sitting with her head against the railing, looking up at the sky.... looking at the stars, and she cried more, for Tristan had once said to her , " These little specs of light in the sky... my darling, are for you.... you're scared of the dark, so god put them there for you to know, that even in the dark, there is light !! ". Eva knew she had no where to run, Tristan was all that there was to her happiness or the lack of it and she was the grandest fool of this world for having let go of him!!
      She had nothing to feel alive about, she had nothing in her that could make her live life without him. And she knew that even the God almighty would not be able to fill the hole in her heart, that Tristan had caused, when he left. And then she thought, "Funnily, if this were a movie, I would hate myself too!!".

Hindi Movie Songs.... retro cheese!!

I love hindi songs from the 90's and before!! These songs are so appropriate in their execution to very many situations life....only! they're a 180" opposite off it,... and at their cheesy best :). Best to get a laugh in any situation  :). Sadly they dont make songs like that any more. But hey no sweat we have decades worth of cheese ageing it's8 way to sumptuous, juicy and delicious humuor.!!
  In todays day when the youth (like me :P ) diss the hindi music for the pity inducing lack of cool....... in comparsion with the uber cool music from the west, this music from old-bollywood times brings forth a very comforting sense of respect for the predecessor to this generation of very average actors and musicians!!!!!
Cant imagine how i never realised the importance of hindi music for purposes of lightening the mood, or pushing it to extremely funny levels!!! very sad for those who donot know hindi and the movie scene throughout the ages in bollywood history.ON  a parting note, form the extremely non-sensical conversation about nothing... here is a video for a hindi song in support of the theory that I NEVER PRESENTED ...husshhhh, lies here *winks*  ..............................................................

They Think they can find me

Those people in the street across from the cafe, 02 men and a woman staring at me, think they can get to me. The men one burly, the other very shapely and lean and the woman with eyes like a placid lake have been looking at me for too long. I am barely able to bring my coffee cup to my lips without my wrist making a challenge of it. He hasnt noticed anything in me, that has been trigerred from the presence across the road. He has been sitting there laughing about his stories from work. I try to pay attention to what he is saying about his ex girlfriend who is now working in his office. I am his girlfriend, i should be paying attention, but i cant those 03 people out there are making me so nervous, one ciggeratte after another and yet i feel nothing.

He has been holding my hand on the table all this while, may be thats why i am still awake, conscious and present.... he wont let me go, I look at his fingers, strong and shaped alike, like they were made in a factory ... a factory that makes beautiful hands and fingers. He must get it from his mother, gosh they are all so beautiful in his family. I never thought he would fall for me, not once. ME!! ouch.... that must hurt, to be my boyfriend. He is so mature, handsome, accomplished and smart and well dressed. He is everything i thought the movie stars are, when i was young.
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